You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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