i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
did i just pee glitter
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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