he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i will never coherently bang her
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
