More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Randomize