billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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