I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
