The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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