erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
