I want to have your abortion
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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