so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
