What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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