i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Randomize
