she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
