Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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