I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
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