a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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