I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
and i looked up. we had an audience...
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
