Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Panties = found
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
