the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize