You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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