He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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