I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
