please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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