I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
