im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
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