It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
