I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
