Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
