I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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