I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
