..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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