nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
