Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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