If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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