i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
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