we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
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