just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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