What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
