I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
