dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
