I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
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