How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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