when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
i need some magic done to my vagina
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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