then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
