I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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