Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I understand Curling. That high.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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