dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
How many fucks given?
0.12846
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
