Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
