remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
