He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
