trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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