if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize