We named our party play list daddy issues
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
