Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
