I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
BRING THE BAGELS
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
