Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
from now on my penis is your penis
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize