hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
