yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
