Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
