Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
