ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
