Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
