He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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