Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
All I want is dick and wine.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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