What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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