I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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