she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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