I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
