How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize