This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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