I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
